Self Love: Important as our Air Supply

A few years ago, when I was living with a man I loved, I learned something that would outlast our time together. Like armor. He would get lost surfing the Internet, and I'd come into the computer room to rub his shoulders and peer over his head at the screen. He was looking at the Myspace photos of a musician- a wealthy, young, lustful man who knew it. I saw clever captions in posted photos of mainly himself alone. "We live, as we dream, alone."
I said, "This guy is really into himself." My ex said, "If he does not love himself, who would love him?"
I recently blocked a woman who I lived with for ten years. My step sister. Who has time for people who never reciprate your love? And I loved her so much. The World has far too many good people to hang onto those who are cruel. In our early twenties I took four seperate buses and trains (the subway in D.C.) to see her. Most of the time I'd take a few hours with the transfer, and when I got to her house she said the same thing: I forgot that I have to work, so clean my room and do the dishes before I get home." She had such an entitement complex. I was working then too. This girl was rock hard. A thorough snob. A bitch without a reason. One night I was cleaning her room and I found a list she had written. Ten years spent with this girl and I'd never in my most imaginative state, think she would write this list. It was a self esteem check list. She was a beautiful woman, with big green eyes and long blonde hair. An artist too. Well, good at drawing and painting and creating. No soul injection.
No one is more interesting then you are to yourself. Its a lesson everyone should learn. BUT...self esteem is something earned. If you're a cruel person, one day everyone will leave you. Feeding into mean people makes the statement that it's okay to be mean. There is no God to penalize you. No confession booth to dissolve your sins. You create your scene.
I'd rather make a movie on my own life. Tenesse Williams had a quote that changed my motives when I read it: "Look at them. The glamorous people. Eating it up. Living life. People go to the movies instead of moving themselves."
That turned me into a gypsy.
That blog on my cocktail waitress days brings me to the subject of grace. The meanest girl there- my co-worker- now works in town at The Sushi Spot. When I see her I make a point to say hello, and when she is our waitress I tip extra. But I don't believe in that, "Kill them with kindness" shit. Or to turn the other cheek.I'm not the one to write the Bible. Rules are left to the individual- not a blanket morality check list for a society in general.