Friday, April 13, 2012
Mathematical Rock Stars and Coffee
Stage One: Universal love. This is when I think, "I wanna rock! Gotta call some old friends. I knew there was a brotherhood of man. Get yer done! etc".
Stage Two: Detached criticism. In this stage I am best at thinking analytically. Not too much emotion. Super rational.
Stage Three: Apocalyptic Brain Hemorrhaging. In this final stage I realize that the first two stages were not worth the finale. "I live in a war zone/ fragility in human nature..." It's sucks.
At some point combining all three stages yesterday I remembered this extreme genius mathematician that my older brother told me about: Paul Erdos. It was said that he came up with the phrase, "a mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into thermos". He was also a meth addict. During WW2 he would knock on the door of friends of his (he was Jewish and had to escape the Nazi force then) and say, "My brain is open, let me in". Then he would work on mathematical theory for a few days and move to his next house. He carried just a suitcase around, drank tons of coffee, and changed the world of mathematics with this sort of lifestyle. A friend bet him that he could not go one month without coffee consumption. Paul Erdos won the bet but said that the world of math was set back an entire month because of his lack of caffeine. As a really horrible side note (and also a testament of his genius), because of the fragile and war torn time he was living, he could calculate the lifespan of his family members down to the second when he was only four years old.
Actually there are a few in the math world that are like this guy. And I have much more respect for them then many other disciplines. I'll do some research and expand this blog. It's green tea time. Coffee was a bad idea yesterday....
Okay two more. I'm tired and want to get this out. Plus these stories really interest me, hopefully you as well.
Evariste Galois. He was a math genius who was challenged to a duel at the age of 20. He knew he was going to die, so he wrote down everything he knew about mathematics the night before the duel. I don't quite understand what his contribution was to the math community (I'll ask around) but I know his theories are still being built on today.
Finally, my favorite, Kurt Godel. Godel proved (in complex mathematical terms) that nothing can be proved in mathematics. Afterwards he went insane and locked himself in his bathroom and starved himself to death. Now there is a man who wants to understand it! (think the lead character
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Rolled Trousers (for that rude fella with this email in my poly-sci class based on Profrock's Poem...Yes, I have to Spell it out)
Saturn Galaxy, you are not big enough
to swallow the entire World.
There are blocks between the stars.
I could excuse myself and walk off the map of the galaxy.
I could stay home drinking wine and crouch down, tiger-like.
Saturn Galaxy, your hair is gone.
Your humor is dry.
Yet dripping sweat like a ripe peach.
You don't attract love.
Is that why you ramble about consciousness?
Pick up a microphone and whale baby.
Put your tears in a jar like the wives of Navy officers.
Wear a color and act that color out. Pink, blue, green.
Sex, Spirituality, Life.
Purple, Red, Gray.
Supernova as you talk.
Melancholy, mysterious, blood passion.
Smell the white jasmine flowers.
Wear an elephant mask and fuck
because no one would make love to you.
Saturn Galaxy, why don't you sweat your fears out?
We will carry you like Jesus in a mosh pit.
Hear my words and you will be saved.
No one gives a fuck if you try to save a tree
from a logger when you have no heart for the World.
Like the Tin Man it's hollow inside you.
Jump on that latter of consciousness
Like dropping a rock into a wishing well.
Hearing a splash echo after forever in five seconds.
The fairy who gathers coins for wishes knows dreams.
It's hard to believe that you
could have had a mother who
wrapped you up in a warm lambskin blanket
soft as cotton clouds,
And rocked you to sleep with whispers.
Maybe that is why you call yourself
Saturn Galaxy. Because you dreamed the
stars and the sun and the moon, and the
planets in your head. You only have the name now.
And a shiny bald head.
The silhouette of you alone against a sunset-
Makes me want to give you the permission to
Fetch me a shooting star.
I'm made of the same star dust as you.
Lasso the stars cowboy.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Sparrow's Song
I'm going to die, and there is no Heaven afterward. Just a lullaby from DMT, our last dream before an eternity of rest. I'll be laughing about bills while wishing my family strength in my last breath. I'm a strong star. Bathe my body in music. In love. In rooms with flowers and lit candles with colorful pictures and jewels on Japanese silk. Open windows for fresh night air and for my soul to wander out in it's dream world. I am a star generating my own heat, brighter then the sun my body needs.
William Blake believed that God created man first. Man got bored so he created himself, but in the image of a woman. The image was so ethereal and stunning that God dropped to his knees and shattered the woman with himself. God as a man and God as a woman became star dust on Earth, forever trying to repair themselves to be together. Beauty created Blake's world view. The beauty of the female form.
I am a star. Music, love making, sweat, swimming, oceans, blue sky days, clouds like cotton balls, running my fingers over flesh- to eternity in a tear drop- I'll take my role till I super nova. My heart beats for love and to music. There was one day out in nature and in deep love, when I realized that I'll never have enough time to enjoy all the beauty in this world. But I'm trying.
Batman as a Sadist?
Alex,
Someone gave me a different take on Batman yesterday. They said he was an aristocrat that owned Gotham and controlled most of the corporations there through Wayne Enterprises. By day he hob knobs with young, beautiful woman, and at night (when the corporations are shut down) he beats the shit out of anyone who threatens the status quo.
This person told me his motives were far from moral.
He even said Batman was a sadist, the evil one, the one that picked on the misfit, etc. What do you think of this?
Rose,
I've heard that. The Republican take on Batman. Certainly makes sense in a way. I don't agree with it, but it taps into a vital question: Is everyone who wants to restore order to chaos authoritarian, even dictatorial? Can one establish order without the brutality, force and singularity of mind that Batman represents? I dunno. It's interesting to see that V FOR VENDETTA (the book) was Batman in reverse: the main character was the Joker (down to the smiling mask and sense of levity and absurdity) and he was fighting to tear down totalitarianism with the only tools he had: brutality, force and anarchy. (The movie waters everything down on the assumption that we can peacefully win back rights taken from us, the Velvet Revolution model. The book made no such argument: if one is to escape totalitarianism, one must tear everything down.) So could Batman be the opposite argument: in order to destroy anarchy, one must be resolute to a fault?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Anarchy Paralleling Christianity
Anyway, I'll make this quick. My problem with Christianity is that, in its doctrine, one must convert other people. I feel so bad for those people walking door to door, getting insulted. But they are following the rules of the religion (their parents probably brainwashed them with). Maybe I can manipulate (Lord knows what a terrible manipulator I am) my selfish agenda with this salon (I'll call them Babylon the Whore) with Christianity.
Here is a crass example of why you can't shove your opinions done the throats of others (like this salon does with their fake Yelp reviews to gather people, like moths to a flame, and take their hard earned dollars (I'm a prostitute, I work hard for my money...at least that what I'm told I do for a living.) Ok, my anger is showing. Calm down diddly-diddly. Skiddily Iddly Iddly. Okie dokie....
Oh, crass examples. I'm sure heroin feels good. It's a good thing their are no known heroin cults (maybe what the U.S.A.'s military is doing in Afghanistan could be called one giant heroin collecting cult?) A heroin cult that forces it's remembers to push heroin on other people. So children, if you're approached by a big bad heroin dealer just say that you don't join cults.
Christians experience a emotional feeling that keeps them happy. The way my cousin, who is a wonderful person and also a Christian, described her conversation to Christianity, it was like she had taken ecstasy. She said she felt that there were scales falling off her eyes. That colors felt brighter. Smells more pleasant. She underwent a physical change because her beliefs somehow upped her serotonin uptake.
But that is her deal. I know she wants to share this beauty with others, but where do you draw the line in sharing your feelings with pushing your feelings to aggression, which has ultimately happened with all religions that preach conversation in their doctrine.
Anarchy is simply a rejection of government. From there, anyone can flesh out what they want to do with that definition. I have two books on anarchy and they are very different. One really turned me off. It talks about jumping over private fences to swim in private pools in people's backyard. In Texas, they would shoot you. To me, that book was completely immature. It demonized the rich and condemned hard work.
This blog is about the other book I read on anarchy. A book on responsibility and peace. This is a personal experience, not aggressiveness. So rather then make this blog a superficial, less then 101 guide to my love of anarchy, I'll use the book as what I draw my quotes from. Tomorrow after highlighting.
Label "Crack Whore" and Ship to Reno
The idea that I had to write this blog came to me today after work. My job is to watch two people: one is a bright six year old, the other a 23 year old man with an unknown disability. He can speak fluent Japanese, has a heart of gold, and seems to have a secret universe inside of him, but there is no label to diagnosis him and from there, give him proper treatment. His mother has all the money to buy a team of good doctors. After years of seeing his behavior go from vibrant and social to unresponsive and erratic, the only comfort of an label given to his mother is, "general thought disorder with degenerative traits".
So today I wikipedia-ed the term "Thought Disorder". The definitions were so broad I began to diagnosis everyone I knew as having some degree of the disorder. Rhyming too often in a sentence can be considered a thought disorder. Beginning a sentence and doing what I refer to as, "a call waiting thought" and interjecting the thought, sandwiched in the sentence is a thought disorder. Some were extreme, but about half of the list were everyday conversations with fully functioning people.
The human brain is a mystery. Psychology is not an exact science. Medical science is still searching for cures to cancer, HIV, Hepatitis C, and the list goes on. When these medical labels mix with mainstream culture the results are dangerous. People become doctors and dismiss others over what they read as a disorder on the Internet, or hear in a movie. These labels get muddled, and soon they become insults and tools to dismiss the entire person with one word. Can a humans brain really be summed up in a word, a label, a diagnosis?
I believe we humans are on different levels of consciousness, bumping into each other. Depending on the endorphins in your body, the oxygen in your brain (quit smoking, it does take oxygen out of the brain and make you dumb) what books you have read, what stress level: All of this combined in extreme complexity puts you on a certain level. You can expand your level of consciousness, move up on the totem pole. It takes work. It takes time, but each day one can see more clearly.
Obstacles include anger. Anger seizes up the body. Yet we are human, and whether we know it or not I believe we want to feel, even in anger.
Not too long ago, when I was living a life I can not believe was my own, I lived on emotion more then silence and free will. In retrospect it felt like I had a blind on my eyes, and I was feeling in the dark. Swinging at nothing. It was a dead life. During this time, with my eyes in a blindfold, I wrote an e-mail in which I told a girl she was known as a whore. Yes, she slept with lots of people. Yes she did lots of speed. And her response was blind anger back. In retrospect it was beautiful- the exchange of heated anger, but stupid. Who am I to judge this person? Who is she to judge me? I was on a low level at this time in my life.
The biggest complaint I heard when I attended a rehabilitation group for former drug addicts was that no one believed they had changed. That is to say, no one from their past, when they were addicts, could believe they were different people now. Even after years of the complete opposite behavior. People still saw one moment in their long lives and froze that moment.
When a body is full of toxins the brain and body are poisoned. There are people on that level. It's not a high level of consciousness. But it is what it is. That is their life and it is ever changing. People change. Life fluxates like the ocean tide. We evolve in our bodies if we want to do so. Take off the blindfold.
I respect people too much to call them anything. In a moment in time, a pin point in a life, they can be called many things by their actions. But no label sticks. Even an idiot will become wiser in time. If you shock yourself on an electric fence, you stop touching the electric fence. The greatest shift I made to higher understanding and peace was when I let go of all the negative emotion holding me back. Also, toxins. Food can fall into that category. I am a Scorpio. For my own journey, letting go was like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. My senses are heightened. I want to experience so much. You can't fully enjoy anything with a hateful heart. And you must respect the unique nature of each person. From there, the blindfold comes off, and you can not help but feel free.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Funny Bible Quotes
(what I call critical thinking for an authentic identity)
I will fight for independence. Religion is poison. I've seen it brainwash people I love. Thank you to my brother for the text.
Here are ten examples where biblical morality/ethics differs from my views:
- Matthew 25:31-46
This passage describes the judgement of the righteous and the unrighteous. It describes how the unrighteous will be condemned forever to eternal fire (Mt 25:41, 46) for the lack of compassion they displayed during their lives. This is my biggest complaint with Christianity—that people are given an infinite punishment for a finite amount of wrongdoing.
- Matthew 15:21-28
This passage describes the interaction between Jesus and a Canaanite woman. You can clearly see the discrimination that Jesus displays toward the woman because she is not a Jew.
- Numbers 25:1-18
This passage describes how God commands Moses to kill people who had worshipped a foreign god. It then goes on to describe how Phinehas, the son of Aaron (Moses’ brother and a priest), drove a spear through an Israelite man and into a Midianite woman. For this God commends Phinehas, and makes a covenant that Phinehas’ descendents will have a lasting priesthood. God then commands the Israelites to kill the Midianites because they were deceiving them with false gods. I think any modern, rational person would find this passage morally deficient. I find it particularly odious because of the lack of proportion—death for consensual sex and participation in foreign worship.
- Psalms 137:1-9 (Psalms 136:1-9 Douay-Riems Version)
This passage is a lament for Jerusalem by someone in exile in Babylon. Notable is verse 9, “Happy are those who seize your infants and dash them against the rocks.” (New International Version). Even if this sentiment is in response to a similar action by the Babylonians during the siege of Jerusalem, it is inappropriate. Why should innocent children be punished for the crimes of their parents? An in any case, it is inappropriate to take pleasure in the execution of the punishment, even if it is deserved.
- Deuteronomy 20:10-20
This passage describes how the Israelites are to conduct sieges against other cities. My reading of it is that if it is a distant city, they first make a peace offer. If the city accepts, the inhabitants of the city become the slaves of Israel. If they refuse, the Israelites attack the city and kill all of the men. The women, children, livestock and other items they can keep as plunder. If the city is a nearby city, then no peace offer is made. When the city is taken, everything in the city—men, women, children, and livestock—is killed. The fruit trees, are spared, though.
- Numbers 15:32-36
This passage describes how God commands the Israelites to stone to death a man found gathering sticks on the sabbath.
- Luke 9:59-62
In this passage Jesus commands a man to follow him. The man says, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus replies, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." I think Jesus’ response is callous. The request is reasonable, but Jesus denies it. Jesus tells another guy that he is unfit for service in the kingdom of God because he wants to go say goodbye to his family.
- Luke 14:25-26
Jesus says that we must hate everyone close to us if we want to be his disciple.
- Acts 5:1-11
This passage describes how a christian man and his wife sold some property and gave some of the money to the church. The thing is, they both lied and said they had given all of the proceeds of the sale of the land to the church, when in reality they had kept some of the money for themselves. For this, they both died (or were killed).
- Numbers 31:13-18
In this passage, the Israelites have just finished a battle against the Midianites. Moses is angry with the officers of the army because they didn’t kill the women. He commands them to kill all of the boys, and all of the non-virgin women. He allows them to keep the virgins for themselves, though.
