Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Insomnia

And at night when it comes, in the darkest of times, I ask God-
There is a God
I just don't know Him;
My prayer is that he soften my harden heart.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Passive Aggressiveness in the English Language

I don't know how much the world has affect/afflicted me since I started this blog in late 2007. Diablo Cody said that Twitter was a joke (actual words: A Circle Jerk), because every word has to be written perfectly because of political correctness. Since I read her book, "Candy Girl", and I respected her written word so much, I was inspired when she said that she missed the age of the Blog. Well baby, I never had a Twitter account.

Side Note: When my apartment manager is telling residents to vote for Donald Trump simple because, "[I] am tired of all this Political Correctness!" we have stormy weather coming.

There are a few blogs left in me, and this one is a long time coming. It's basically a essay in response to "The Evasion English Dictionary" by Maggie Balistreri. Language is all we have to communicate ideas that are not primal (dancing, sex for base engagement). From reading her short book on the topic of skirting what you are saying, I took from it that its more proper to add a lot of 'pleases' and silence rather then get to the fucking point.

Another side note: I'll admit in some of her examples she seems presumptuous rather then correct. But the main idea stays: People are cowardly communicators. Why? Someone wrote our language that way? Why? That I do not know. Why? Because the only language I have a handle on is American English. I don't know if people in general share passive behavior embedded in all language, or if American English does alone and as a result, weird side effects occur: Like forming an ARMY that is the largest industrial complex in the world and not referring to its employers as 'killbots.'

Here is one example of Balistreri's book: The "LIKE" in a sentence. As in "filler like" 
Translation: I finished my sentence.
Example 1:
-How could you do that? I  mean, I went out of my way to meet you there, and then you didn't show, and you didn't even call, and it was like...
Example 2:
Let's see if we can't work something out. I have to go to my supervisor to approve this raise, and she's gonna ask me what you've done for the company to distinguish yourself, and I'm gonna be like....

Get it? Make no mistake that Balistreri is trying to be funny, but there is something that sits heavily in the pit of my stomach when I stopped laughing. In a broader form of examples like the two above, what we are getting is a lack of communication and a sarcasm that is not kind, nor direct.

A few more examples: BUT
But= bu(llshi)t
Example 1:
I see your point...bu(llshi)t I think we should do it this way.
Example 2:
I'm married to a wonderful man, loving, witty, a doting father to our three children, bu(llshi)t lately I've wondered what it would be like to be single again, get a fresh start.

Lets try whatever
the self-pitying whatever
Translation: Why do I always have to be the martyr?
Example 1:
Never mind that I'm the one who came up with the idea in the first place, but whatever. 
Example 2:
I don't know why its called a group project because I did all the work, but whatever.

Or: The doubting thomas whatever
Example 1:
It's over. She actually gave me the It's-not-you-it's-me line. Whatever.

Lets try sensitive=insensitive 
Example 1:
I had to walk out of the movie. It was too sad. It would have just made me cry and cry and cry. You have to understand; I'm really sensitive. 

Side Note: It's worth pointing out that Martin, my friend and fellow Linguistic student said that above sentence alone shows a presumptive nature that he did not agree with in this book. Also, I thought Martin was hot.

Another example: The oh, well 
The passive-aggressive never battles, and never loses. 
Example 1:
Wow. That's a pretty good raise. You must be a better negotiator than I am. Oh, well. 

Last example: like
the betrayer like
Translation: I lie.
We like, fell in love on the spot.
I was so upset I cried for like, three days.
You bring up a good point, and I like, totally sympathize with you; however...

Okay, one more for real, because it's funny:
Like
The cowardly like
Translation: I disagree. That is, if it's okay.
Example:
I don't want to like, tell you what to do, but it just doesn't sound, like nice.
Did you like, misspell that? [fuck it, says this blog writer.]

I'm passive-aggressive. Last example:
Like
The undercutting like
Translation: I'm not smart; I'm cool. I don't know where I picked up that knowledge.
Example 1:
I think he meant it like, metaphorically.
Example 2: That was by like, Beethoven.
Example 3: I think it's like, N-i-e-t-z, then, s-c-h-e, or something. I don't know.

Okay, really!
Hate
hate=have
Translation: It's not grudging, it's begrudging.
Example 1:
I hate to say I'm holding out for something better...
Example 2:
The dress was nice enough. I mean, it's not that. It's just, well, I hate to say she's fat...

A favorite whatever:
The faltering cliche whatever
Translation: Insert psychobabble here.
Example:
I thought it was gonna help me work through my inner demons, or emotional wounds or whatever. It didn't.

Everyone's favorite whatever:
the minced oath whatever
Translation: Fuck you.
Example 1:
I tried to explain that my computer crashed but she's such a bitch, she just said she didn't believe me and that she was gonna give me an F. I said, "Whatever," and left her office.
Example 2:
Big fat cop pulls me over and he's all, "Son, do you realize how fast you were going, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket." and I was just, whatever.

-------------------
Point being, this is the norm in conversation. Balistreri speculations are fun and often funny, but also often true. Linguist Steve Pinkerton once asked, "Why do we ask someone we are interested in, "Can you pass the salt? Rather then saying, "After this dinner, do you want to fuck?" Here is my question, in this blog that I've been meaning to write about how we as humans communicate in whatever geographical region suits our customs: If language is all we have to communicate, does vague speech and cryptic dialog affect our daily connections more adversely because it's more negative and passive aggressive?

There are certain books, people, and concepts that fit a stage of one's life perfectly, like a missing puzzle piece. This book came at a time when I began to think that I was hard on myself because for decades I believed I deserved nothing better. It was a supernova of a breakthrough in therapy. So for two weeks I spoke with direct eye contact. With a sincere smile. I said what I meant and I hid behind nothing. Because honestly, I can act tough, but I know that people will bury us yet people can be our salvation, when we want to be saved. So I let my real self shine on for fourteen entire days. At the time, my happiness eventually annoyed my (now ex) fiancee, and he pulled the rug out from under me with a hateful comment.
I lost my confidence after that. Giving people power so that a hateful comment can make me lose my footing makes me question whether I am faking it.

James Joyce's famous last words were: "Does no one understand?"
I'd rather mine be, "I love you all."- Said at an old age, surrounded by loved ones.

A classic tangent.
Fuck Twitter too.
I am maladjusted; that seems to sell tickets.



Saturday, June 20, 2015

When Intellectuals Throw Down

I've been wanting to put this video up for a while now, because there has been a lot of hype about William F. Buckley as of late due to a memoir that has been written by his son, Christopher. Before I talk, maybe I should pick up one of his books. But my time is restricted to reading books I know are not written by possible antisemitics, so instead I am posting this so we can all have a good hearty laugh at his stuffy accent. Gore Vidal sued Buckley for public slander (he was called a homosexual by Buckley.) Vidal had affairs with Anais Nin, as well as some men. An interesting fact about the feud between Buckley and Vidal is that it never ended. When asked how he felt about Buckley Jr.'s death by a New York Times reporter, Vidal responded, ""I thought hell is bound to be a livelier place, as he joins forever those whom he served in life, applauding their prejudices and fanning their hatred"



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

My Hope...

Zev Rathe at seven weeks

Friday, February 27, 2015

Short and Sweet

I've always told my friends that the only qualification I have for a partner is that they can always beat me in speed chess.
I'm not interested in playing Twister.