Frozen

I don't think my sexuality should be on display, but for the sake of guessing, I am a Pansexual. I don't fall in love until I know the personality. Not their beauty. When I was 23 years old I knew a musician who would come over to my studio near the ocean and scan my CD collection for rare albums. He would sit on the bed and say very little, but he was so attuned to every note, telling me what is clever. He would point out that Neil Young's voice is so fragile, like him. He had a depth that can't be measured, or guessed. I remember one day at SF State we studied speaking poetry. That night, he said something similar to a phrase we learned about describing the body as a walking poem. One night we stayed up all night. The light streamed through my dark purple curtains. He stood on his knees on the bed, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He was part Spanish and part Irish. He had curly black hair. Big blue eyes. Just visually alone, I have never been so close to beauty. Not in some trashy sexual way. He looked like a Spanish gambler, staring out into my garden, listening to the ocean, and I could never guess what thoughts formed in his mind. Very smart. But also very compassionate. One day he came over, said nothing, grabbed some computer paper, and drew me a pencil sketch of Jesus Christ. His band was named after Pilate, which was interesting since only I knew that Pilate said, "What is truth?" He gave me the paper, genitals and blood and nails. Then he left after only saying, "For you." I had such a bad panic burst. What did this mean? Years later a friend of mine found a record of his band, name changed to his, in Australia. God bless the music makers. Before he left me he found two small, white ceramic hearts in my garden. For six months I worked in that same garden and never saw them. I love a person who sees things...the details. Now that is sexy (Hey, I'm human.) I placed them on his chest, and took a photo. My point is not the circle around his beauty, but that one image I have of him peering through the sunlight with a cigarette dangling from Mic Jagger full lips, looking so flawless. I've never seen such angelic perfection in anyone. This is one man who left a mark on me through my travels.