We sold our five bedroom, two acre home in the woods of Annapolis, Maryland, for a two bedroom apartment in a welfare area in Redding, California. Part of our upheaval was our search for the 'California Dream' (and I always say that Redding's tourist brochure is really convincing!), but most of it was just tragedy and clouded thinking from adults. Our new neighbors had a three legged cat named, "Tripod". That image seemed to crystallize the entire experience.
The first day we arrived we knew we lost the privilege we were too naive to embrace. While finally understanding why people take sociology classes and have revolts, and in disbelief of the loss of 'home',my father gave us a quite eloquent speech. The subject was about pride and class.
He gathered all of us together (me being just 16) and told us that when the American Army moved in to occupy Germany after World War 2, the Germans gathered flowers from outside and set their tables with their finest linen and prepared to lose everything with as much grace as possible. Not the Nazis (what a fucked up war, they deserved their punishment) but the German people. My point is that they knew they were defeated, but they still presented themselves as well as possible before being taken down.
This week I found out that I can't get financial aid. We are broke for a few more days. The phone died. No shampoo. No luxury purchases. But I kind of like it that way because it gives me a chance to use my brain to be creative with getting whatever I want to live comfortably and appreciate what I have.
This morning I woke up, traded over 200 pennies for two dollars, made a few more off of our recycle bin, traded a $5 Blue Lake Casino chip for a five dollar bill (because I knew the cashier was a regular there) and traded in almost ten bucks in nickels, dimes, and quarters. I ate my favorite breakfast (bagels), bought shampoo, even a bottle of wine. Plus fresh water at Wildberries. I came home and made a fire out of scraps from around the house, took a shower, and dressed in my Sunday's finest.
Even though I often fail miserably, I try to carry myself with a immediate respect to others, and with honor. It's a bummer when others scrap by without that morality code and pass your way. Morrissey said it best with the lyric: "People who are weaker then you and I, they take what they need and just leave." But I will try not to change, no matter how much I have to hustle to survive in this world, always with fresh flowers on the table.
*As a side note my friend told me this week that I was never a "hustler". My term is: "conniver". We are wonderful friends so he can say
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