The Mormon Rubber Chicken Conspiracy

Yep, I'm hot on the trail.  The picture is blurry, but
that's me holding my very own rubber chicken.  Before
I explain (and blow your mind) about the connection
between Mormons and Rubber Chickens (the evidence can
not be disputed) I have to preface it with a
completely unrelated story about how I acquired this
particular rubber chicken.

After dating a mountain man for two and a half years
he went on a six month vacation to Thailand, and I
stayed in Arcata with the world on my shoulders.  I
quit drugs, and we set out to create a life for
ourselves beginning by both meeting at the San
Francisco Airport:  him from Thailand, me from a month
of detox in Nebraska.

We moved to the middle of nowhere.   A town with a
population of less then 100.  If the locals had
personal issues with other locals, they just did not
allow them in the only grocery store for thirty miles.
We rented a small cabin and I got a job at a gorgeous
coffee shop overlooking the Trinity River.  But our
relationship crumbed in a week.  One morning, he
packed my stuff and locked me out.  I ended up going
to Redding, to heal with the help of my best friend
and her lovely family.

They fed me, bought me gifts, gave me support, and let
me get drunk often.  I got so drunk that I left half
of my belongings at their house before I caught the
Greyhound back to Nebraska for another 8 months of
pure peace and quiet.  Anyway, they sent me all my
stuff with a rubber chicken placed strategically on
the top of the box.  My heart just melted.

Now in a non sequitur  jump I will begin to explain
the connection between Mormons and Rubber Chickens.
Salt Lake City Utah is the world's leader in Rubber
Chicken Production.  But since it's heavily influenced
by the Mormon religion, they slip a tape in each bulk
shipment of Rubber Chickens that aims at converting
whatever prankster ordering the shipment into
Mormonism.  It's true.  I am not sure if it's secretly
because Mormons know religion is funny and so are
rubber chickens, but I promise, I'm on the case.   If
you want to further investigate (I sometimes allow
detectives to work with me on these conspiracy
theories), check out this link below.  Who is laughing
now?

http://slice.utah.edu/sol/aboutus/chicken.html