Electricity

Being a lazy bum this summer and renting tons of movies, thinking little, and minding my P's and Q's I stumbled across a memory from my early 20's: a movie about Joy Division. Now I'm 30 and can't listen to them too much for fear I'll go to 'that dark place'; and I'll need an adrenaline shot to the heart to get me on my numb feet once again.

Do we lose something with time and experience? I feel that all I hold close to me diminishes every day I wake up and am expected to join a uniform thought structure of work, bills, and being really active, happy and 'normal'. I never believe it though.

This movie is called, "Control" and you don't have to love Joy Division to love the movie. I'm very disappointed that the actor is blase; that he tries to sing Ian Curtis' songs. That he is not sweating and broken on the stage, like the new Jesus Christ. The real Ian Curtis cut his head off with a bass string at 23. We want him as Jesus Christ- sweating his troubles out, broken and beaten, bloody and weeping, here to blow apart our ennui and make the world fall in love with understanding. The actor sucks. But the movie is great. I am 23 again, confused more then ever, and watching some man's talent and dreams go down the drain. I know about that.